Transformation is not for the faint of heart

Since May, we have been screening May I Be Frank around the Bay area. After the show, people ask me questions about food, health, drugs and alcohol addiction. The question most people ask me about is weight loss. Over the past eighteen months I have lost about 120 pounds. I have had to change my wardrobe seven times.

I first met the boys from the Gratitude Café four years ago. We began shooting the film on Valentine’s Day 2006. It feels so long ago. When we began the project we had no idea of what we were getting into. We had a concept of shooting the opposite of Super Size Me. What eventually emerged as the final product transcended our wildest dreams. The film reveals the pain of ruptured family relationships and the struggle toward redemption and health. May I Be Frank is also forty two days of life shared by three young men and a very unlikely fourth. The subject was in a terrible state of mind and body. Nevertheless, all of us saw something in each other that generated a bond that lasts to this day.

Today my life is infinitely different. I am healthier now than when I was in my 30’s. I am often asked questions about my relationship with my family, about health issues and sobriety. The question I am most often asked is, “How did you lose all that weight, man?” People look at me with excited anticipation, as if I had some yet undiscovered secret.

My first response after, “how did you do it,” is, “I eliminated carbs and sugar and I started exercising regularly”. The smiles and excitement dissolve from their faces. They look disappointed and forlorn. I have just voiced the immutable law and it sounds like bad news. There is no magic bullet, that is, unless you want to blow your brains out.

I don’t mean to sound insensitive. The memory of being fat is still very much alive and in Technicolor. Sometimes when I look in the mirror the fat guy is looking back at me. Losing weight is extremely challenging. For me, it required a major lifestyle change. When I engage in something that is bad for me and I can’t or don’t stop, that something is an addiction.

How I started my weight loss process

I stopped eating ALL carbohydrates and sugar. This is where resistance rears its head. The most common defense against taking action is nationality. “I’m Italian, or I’m Spanish” and my personal favorite, “I’m Jamaican.” Blame it on the flag. How’s that working for you? I am Italian; both my parents are from Sicily. I grew up on macaroni, garlic bread and ravioli. Nevertheless, when I committed to losing weight I had no pasta for a year. Sugar is ubiquitous. It’s hard to find products without some sugar. Even toothpastes have it. So here is what I was taught. When you go to the supermarket, stay within the perimeter. Everything in the isles is processed.

What I ate:

Salads, chicken, vegetables, fish and meat sometimes. I used my head. If you are reading this, chances are you have something going on upstairs. Eat intelligently; you know exactly what and how much that means. If you aren’t sure if you should eat it, DON’T. Do you really need to be told about pizza and pastry?

Working out:

I started slow, I wasn’t just being cautious, I was limited by how out of shape I was and it made me very sad. Five minutes on the stationary bike and I envisioned paramedics rolling me onto a gurney. The computer readouts on the bike didn’t help. After pedaling my heart out it was discouraging to read I burned 100 calories. But pay no attention to that stuff. Personally, I think it’s BS.
My experience tells me that the most important component to success is a reliable and dedicated workout partner. Someone who is committed to their own health and willing to hold you accountable and visa-versa. I was and am fortunate to have such a person in my life. I owe an enormous debt of gratitude to my friend Robert Keehan.

I started out doing 5 minutes on the bike and very light weight lifting. I was consistent and determined. I went to the gym every other day. Today I ride 10 miles within 30 minutes at high resistance and then lift weights an average of 45 minutes afterward a sauna and shower. I have been doing this consistently 5 times a week for nearly 18 months.

What got me to start the work was a quiet desperation. I was depressed and full of self loathing. My humor was self deprecating. I felt completely unlovable. Over time I began to feel better about myself. What was inspiring to me were how soon I saw results. After only 2 months I dropped over 25 pounds. True, I had another 95 to go, but the journey of a thousand miles….

If I can do it anyone can. There isn’t anything special about me. I would like to think so, but there isn’t. I am the son of poor immigrants who raised me in a working class southern Italian neighborhood. My father never spoke English and my mom never went to high school. When my dad died he left me $10,000. Believe it or not, it’s all gone. I had it better than some and worse than others. In the end, I’m just a regular guy trying to get by in a crazy world. Do something good for yourself and the people that care about you. Take action to improve your health, your looks and your mental agility. Before you know it, your spirit will awaken and soar. I have come to the realization that I did not lose any weight, I let go of what no longer belonged to me.