Can’t drink

I am pissed. Actually, I am so fucking sad and anxious a cold Stoli sounds great. My girlfriend that I am still in love with has split. I drove her away with my stupid insecurities. She’s gone and everything feels hollow. Can’t drink.

I am fascinated by the human draw for relationship. There have been many women in my life. When you drink and hang out in a bar, that’s pretty common. But the one’s I remember are the one’s I loved. Particularly, I remember the anguish of the breakup. That is where I am – as yours truly tries to act rational and feign the act of productivity. Getting her out of my head is like using your hand to fan the tear gas out of the room. Can’t drink.

Back to the human condition. One would think that after experiencing the terrorist brutality of a broken heart, it would be enough to prevent cupid from entering the premises. Au contraire, mon frère. People do it over and over again. There are even people who enter into another relationship before the body of the previous one is cold. Cupid is not only allowed in, he is welcomed with open arms. Right now, I could kill him and set his sorry ass on fire. I would start the flames with the Bacardi 151 rum I happen to not be drinking.

My days are spent trying to get past the thought of her. Of course that means that I think about her all the time. I feel like Woody Allen trapped in the body of Tony Soprano. Since the breakup, I go to therapy three times a week, attend support group meetings, bug the shit out of my friends and write these blogs in preparation for the release of my movie.

Oh yes, we are about to release a movie, my girl is gone and I feel like shit. Can’t drink.

I know the drill. It takes time. But if you read this, kindly spare me the crap about something better coming, God’s will or you have so much going for you. Fuck that, man. We’re in separate beds and in separate lives. We may as well be separate countries. I know this desolate time has an end date. At the moment, the darkness seems infinite. In the meantime, I will continue to do the self care thing. I’ll pass on the drink, I’ve had enough, thank you.