About
Why blog? Four years ago I agreed to be the subject of a documentary. I was pre-diabetic, nearly three hundred pounds, ending a five year relationship and my daughter would not speak to me. I felt desolate, unlovable and just plain miserable.
I received a call from my cousin, Michelangelo, saying he was ill. I have always loved my cousin for his kindness. He was 30 years old when he emigrated from Sicily. Michelangelo said he was down and invited me to San Diego to see him. So I set off to Le Video, the greatest video store in the world, to rent some Italian movies to watch with my cousin. In the distance was a sign, Café Gratitude. Little did I know that stepping into this restaurant would change my life.
My first reaction was that Gratitude Café was owned by some one in a twelve step program. Gratitude is an important part of staying sober and the gateway to a joyful life.
Upon entering, I was met with a lively WELCOME!! WE’RE SO GLAD YOU ARE HERE!! These people were so friendly that I thought they were stoned. I discovered that this attitude was consistent and had little to do with herbal enhancement. I began to frequent the place; returning not for the food, but rather for the warmth and affection I was desperate for. Café Gratitude is about positive transformation. At one point, a server will ask the question of the day i.e., what are you grateful for? On this particular day, the question was, “What’s one thing you want to do before you die?” My answer was that I wanted to fall in love once more before I die. It felt like a hopeless dream considering I was nearly 300 pounds and had no self esteem.
Ryland and his father Matthew Engelhart had been toying with an idea for a film. Initially, the idea was to make a film contrasting Super Size Me. In that film, a perfectly healthy guy eats only fast food for a month. In two weeks his health profoundly deteriorated. Ryland’s idea was to film a physically challenged guy. In my case, a fat, prediabetic, depressed man with hepatitis C and film him living a raw food diet for 42 days.
My comment moved Ryland and inspired him and his brothers to commit to a film.
They told me about the project and asked me to be the subject. I told them I wasn’t that interesting. Ryland said that they would be the judge of that. On Valentine’s Day 2005 we signed a contract where I essentially turned my life over to three idealistic young men and this project.
Thus began one hell of a wild ride of self actualization, transformation, raw food and some weird and wacky loving people. The young boys, now film producers, took on scheduling my life. They arranged visits with doctors, holistic practitioners, high colonics, body wrappers and deep tissue massages.
What started out as a film about raw food evolved into a film about drug and alcohol addiction, broken families, frayed relationships, intention, commitment, healing, redemption and the power of love.
How can a 50 something man let three post teenage guys tell him what to do? Well, you don’t know the power of the Light side. I began to remember what it was like to be enthusiastic about life. When I was 20 years old I traveled all over Europe. It was the highpoint of my life. Everything was possible, I felt like I belonged where ever I was. It was a time when my blood yearned for the new and yet unseen. These precious young cubs were to remind this salty dog that his heart was still strong and filled with love. On Valentine’s Day, the boys and I sail for points unknown. The journey would change us all forever.
In my travels and travails I have plunged head first into the heart of darkness. With a great deal of help, I have also basked in love’s healing light… It’s one hell of a ride baby. As a result of living in and out of the flow of it all, I came to believe that sharing my story could be of service in some way.
After attending a number of screenings of May I Be Frank, people would ask me questions revealing deeply personal issues. At first I felt inadequate to the task. I was quick to point out that I was no expert on anything. I discovered that they didn’t want an expert. What they were interested in was my experience in any given situation. The film shows an obese guy that felt and lived like a loser, was involved in drug and booze addiction, had failed relationships and ill health.
Since the completion of the film, with lots of help, my life has undergone a miraculous transformation. I am clean and sober nearly three years, my relationships are positive; exercise and clean diet are routine. Last but certainly not least, I shed over 125 pounds. If sharing my experience, strength and hope can bring any comfort, than maybe my life has some meaning after all.
So, why blog? It appears that blogging is the new talk show. It is a way of answering all the questions I receive after a screening. Besides, it’s time for me to try something new. Finally, when I’m interacting with people is when I am happiest. Feel free to ask me anything. Chances are I’ve done it or know some one who has.
